And etc…

In an elementary school sort of spirit, I’m pondering what I did this summer. I did many, many things. I think that the first essay I’m going to have my classes write will be something about their “summer vacations.” Yes, I’m cruel like that. Of course, it has to be an argument so I’m going to have to stretch this topic into something argumentative. Never fear, I’m sure I can do that–on the spot, if necessary. Of course, since I’m apparently planning ahead as we speak, that sadly will not be necessary. Sigh. I’m always way more creative when I make up assignments on the spur of the moment. I bet students hate that.

So anyway, what was the point I was trying to make? Was there one? Oh yeah. I did lots of stuff this summer during my residence in Stone Lake, Wisconsin. Let’s see…

1. Lived in the smallest town ever. Got stared at every time I went to the Post Office. Had multiple conversations with Matt in which we shared “being stared at” experiences. What’s the deal?
2. Went to my first zoo ever. Then went back again, unintentionally.
3. Saw Lake Superior almost 4 times. That first time my view was obstructed by intense fog. I saw a puddle. Kind of.
4. Finally saw the Milky Way and decided that if I ever find myself totally unemployed I shall start a light pollution protest group.
5. Talked Matt out of skinny-dipping. Twice. (Sorry. Maybe some other time…)
6. Wanted to open a window so badly that the window obligingly opened completely by falling out of the pane onto the lawn. Thanks, window.
7. Went fishing. Decided that fishing is cruel and somewhat pointless. If you’re going to catch and release, what’s the point? Torture? And I discovered fish sometimes have dangerous teeth. I don’t like that.

8. Swam in a lake for the first time ever. Yeah, I’ve perhaps led a deprived life. Turns out I’m somewhat afraid of fish, though. Just the idea of them in that lake and me in that lake…ack.

9. Was attacked by a dragonfly. Yeah, yeah…sure, it “accidentally” got caught in my hair. Uh huh. And what about that one that just “accidentally” RAN into me? Yeah, I also added “dragonfly swarms” to my list of creepy things that freak me out. Really, when they’re the size of your hand, that’s wrong. I don’t care if they eat bugs.
10. Visited the world’s largest fiberglass fish. It’s a musky, and it’s proudly located in Hayward, Wisconsin at the Freshwater Fishing Hall of Fame. Ah. Good times. Well, except for the part where I looked at a bunch of dead fish. But I liked the fiberglass fishy a lot.
11. Was irritated by a mouse living in my house. Decided mice aren’t THAT bad, but I sure as hell don’t want them TOUCHING me. Too bad for that mouse…if it hadn’t run over my foot it would probably still be alive today. I guess I’m just irresistable. Fatal attraction? Could’ve been that all the food is in the kitchen, as was I.
12. Complained about tourists. And meant it, in a sort of ironically detached way.
13. Visited a place where they sell live bait and people food. Right. Next. To. Each. Other. Did not purchase said food. I wouldn’t want to confuse live bait for potato chips.
14. Went to a dead gangster’s old hideout. Discovered, or rediscovered, that it really takes a lot to impress me. And it was a hot day.
15. Saw buffalo! Finally. And baby buffalo, too. Then I ate some buffalo meat on a stick. While viewing the buffalo. It was kind of surreal. Don’t worry, I didn’t kill the buffalo myself. They’re a lot bigger than me.
16. Only visited 1 mall. In 4 months.
17. Went to a strip club for the first and perhaps only time ever. Sarah B. and I were asked if were strippers, too. Declined a request to flash the crowd. Geez, people. As if I would do that for free. ;) Oh yeah, and Sarah? Thanks for your wise decision-making skills.
18. Learned that there are actually rules for pool. Learned a few. Got mad at drunk bar patrons for making fun of my lack of pool knowledge. Yeah, but I know how to use that pool cue like a weapon, buddy…
19. Saw my first incidence of a dog actually chasing cars. Then saw this again and again and again…you get the point.
20. Saw a porcupine. It looked pretty pissed off. Note to self: be afraid of porcupines.
21. Was entertained for hours by the gray squirrel-black squirrel wars outside my window. On a related note, my favorite quote of the summer: “It’s a squirrel party!” I knew there was a reason I married him. :) Also learned I brake for squirrels.
22. Wrote a book review. Another is currently in progress. Ha! I did do something that counts!
23. Accomplished a lot of sleeping. Of course, it hardly counts because it was done on an air mattress on the floor.
24. Survived without real furniture for 4 months. According to Matt, our quality of life would’ve been about 50% better with actual furniture. If not more. I’m thinking of swearing off quad camp chairs for life. The one I’m sitting in at the moment is nearly broken. I’m going to blame that on shoddy craftsmanship, not me. I’m too perfect to break a chair. Duh.
25. Watched some TV, but not THAT much. In my defense, I like soap operas because they’re never reruns. Ha. I require diversity of entertainment to be mildly amused. And pretty people doing stupid things makes me laugh sometimes.
26. Made a lot of bad jokes about the Smoky the Bear fire danger signs. Yep.
27. Celebrated a 1-year wedding anniversary. I’m impressed with myself. And Matt. He was there, too.
28. Turned 24. I’m way more mature now.

And that’s all I can recall at the moment. I’m sure I did other things, like Interneting and stuff. Obviously. Hopefully nothing on this list can be used against me in a court of law. If pressed, I’m prepared to deny all of this and claim it is a work of fiction. And who knows? Maybe this has just been a very Dallas-like long, realistic dream.