And etc…

We returned to the land of five separate but equally squeamish smells (also known as Cedar Rapids, or “The Crapids”) on Friday so we could celebrate the event of gift-giving with one half of Matt’s family. The best part was the Easy Mac box, which cleverly disguised a book. Or…is it Easy Mac? Brian (married to Matt’s sister Jenny) was really trying to pretend that Easy Mac was a good gift idea. After about five minutes of being highly amused by his not-so-great acting, he figured out it was just a freakin’ Easy Mac box. Of course, the next night at the other half of Matt’s family, we gave him some actual Easy Mac. How could we not? We had to liven these things up somehow. And you never know when you’re going to need a quick carb fix. It was much funnier if you were there, but you still may be lucky you weren’t. I’ve never actually made someone afraid to open a gift. I guess mislabeling it with a hangy price tag thing helps. There’s always that chance you’re the target of a terrorist attack, I suppose. Suicide gift-giving and whatnot.

I don’t have much else to say about Saturday night. Hmm. Santa prefers alcohol to milk, but it’s hard to convince kids of that. I mean, the guy has a serious beer gut, do you think he gets that from healthy beverages?

I also loved the gifts (the jacket and robe) that I gave myself with other people’s money on Saturday night. Money is a great gift, and don’t worry about giving me a gift after the actual holiday. I accept gifts at any time, for nearly any occasion. Note that I said ‘occasion.’

On Christmas day we went to my parents’ house. Waited around for hours for my brother to show. Yeah, he LIVES there, but decided to take a little trip to Tama to see everyone else he likes first. I mean, everyone he does actually like. Forget the “else.” To kill time, we played the “I love the eighties” game. Mom and I won, even though Matt and Ashley were cheating. Seriously, does it matter that I couldn’t remember Bob Saget’s first name? Alex Trebek would not have cared so long as I answered in the form of a question. I managed not to kill anyone, though, thanks to some remarkable refreshments and a cat I could take out my rage on. (Don’t feel bad for the cat. It’s a CAT, first of all, and it hates me more than I hate it.)

Ashley decided that I couldn’t live without season one of “Duck Tales,” so I’m now the owner of the DVD set. The sad part is that I’m actually planning to watch it. Who knew I may have kind of wanted this? I’m sure there’ll be some adult humor in it that I missed the first time around, when I was aware of adult humor but not on the lookout for it. I also got other stuff, but nothing quite that exciting. I think. Frankly, at the moment I’m still overloaded with Christmas and am having trouble remembering stuff.

No one asked me what rhetoric is this year. Thank goodness. That could’ve seriously changed the rating of this blog entry. Of course, we also decided we could just visit the other half of people (who we just ignored this year) next year. When we’re hopefully somewhere far, far away and using video technology to visit and DHL to gift. Oops…did I say that? I meant, you can come visit us and possibly stay in a hotel. Because we only have the one bed. And stuff.

You know, I’m still not sure how I feel about “Santa.” The whole concept is just wrong. An old guy who stalks little kids (and lives with tons of short people who resemble kids) comes in their houses while they are sleeping to leave them presents. After they sit on his lap while he’s wearing temperature-inappropriate clothing and take pictures. It just seems…wrong.