War is a mysterious beast. So is Texas.
So I have officially been to Texas. Well, west Texas, to be exact. Everything that I was told about the area is true. Some people’s opinions, actually, were not harsh enough. Before I go on, Texas Tech is an awesome university and their English department is awesome as well. However, it’s in the Lub. Which could be a problem for me.
Matt and I were sitting in a restaurant when we realized that we had fought a war for this place. It was a confounding revelation.
“Why did we fight the Mexican-American War?”
“For Texas.”
“Oh. We should’ve surrendered.”
“It’s never too late to trade it up.”
Lubbock, Texas. I should’ve known from the harshness of the name it would be a place where the weak, as I am, were not wont to survive. The town is brown. I’m told it’s not always like that; they just had a drought. Of course, it doesn’t normally rain a lot. It’s flat. When I say flat, I don’t mean Iowa flat. I mean actually flat like a table. Like if there weren’t buildings in the way and the whole visibility-air factor, you could see the west edge of town from the east edge. Perfectly.
The Lub is a windy place. Apparently on average it’s about a thirty mph wind. Sometimes there’s dirt in the wind. When it rains, there’s mud in the wind. Nothing like a mud storm to brighten one’s day. It’s also really sunny there. Almost all the time. I got sunburnt eating lunch. In twenty minutes.
The shape of Texas is stamped into everything. EVERYTHING. I thought I had personal pride in something. It turns out I’m wrong. The only adequate way to show how awesome you think something is involves recreating it everywhere–waffle irons, the side of the freeway, tins, candles–you get my point?
The eighties never really left the town, at least hair-wise in the older set. For many males, the eighteen-eighties never passed. There was a slight air of chauvinism. Not on campus, but when one was elsewhere. Like one of the twelve McDonald’s. Or avoiding baby tarantulas. Or rattlesnakes. Or searching desperately for water in the dryest environment in America.
My favorite place was the gift shop at the Buddy Holly Center. It’s the only place where they seemed to realize it’s ok to make fun of your state. One can mock things without hating things. I do it all the time.
And now Matt and I are off to Utah. I hope they have a sense of humor about themselves there.
Heh heh. I think Texas is the weirdest place in the union. I have a theory about it too. You know how goldfish will get big when you put them in a river, but if you leave them in a bowl, they stay tiny? Texas. The people are big. On average, I think they’re about four inches taller than any average person in Iowa. And how about that driving? I didn’t realize it was OK to pass people on the SHOULDER because you happened to be in a hurry that day.