And etc…

I have a certain aversion to paying full price for nearly anything, which is probably because I’m American and incredibly poor. Not homeless poor, but below the poverty line and living off school loans poor.

In this vein, Matt and I usually wait until a movie hits the dollar theater (or “dollar” theater, rather, since the price is generally $1.50 now) before we go see it. Thus, we went to see Ice Age: The Meltdown Friday night. Yes, it is the long-awaited sequel to the similar film of almost the same name. But hey, if they didn’t give it practically the same name we might not realize it’s a sequel, right? And now we know why parents often name their children similar-sounding names. Finally, that conundrum is solved and I can sleep at night.

I wasn’t expecting too much out of this movie except for a diversion and some time spent in the dark with my husband. Hey, he likes cartoon movies and I like him. It works out. The plot, I think, can be summed up like this: a bunch of talking animals who oddly get along despite differences in species (can’t we ALL just get along?) have to relocate and walk a long ways (though not really that far) to find a boat (actually an overturned log) so they don’t die in an impending flood caused by global warming. Yes, global warming…the first time around. So, yeah, it’s one of those movies like The Lord of the Rings trilogy–we all have somewhere urgent to go and we have to get there now and we’re going to spend a lot of time traveling. However, there are sadly no real battles in this film. Well, except for some possibly scary dinosaur fish things that try to eat people. But since our mammoth hero can hold his breath for upwards of fifteen minutes or so, they are easily defeated once it is realized that they are actually a threat.

So, all you people out there who don’t believe in global warming, or who insist upon calling it climate change, don’t you recall the sad, sad story of the woolly mammoth? Particularly the sad story of the woolly mammoth in this movie, who wants the girl mammoth who is currently experiencing a soap-opera-like identity issue and thinks she is not a mammoth although clearly all signs point to this being fact including, but not limited to, her immense size, similarity to leading actor mammoth, and probably other things I’m leaving out.

Anyway, back to the movie. All the mammoth guy really wants is a girlfriend so he can continue his species, and like most males, he has trouble communicating with a female he is attracted to who has self-esteem. Of course, like most cartoon movies, it all works out in the end. Yay! I almost didn’t see that coming! But I’m glad it did, because I didn’t want all fifty of the kids in the theater to start crying. That one kid who clearly had some cinematic taste and couldn’t stand the middle portion of the movie was enough for me. I spy a future film critic.

If you like things that are cute, go see it. If you like things with happy endings, go see it (if you can overlook the fact that due to global warming and other factors the main species–the woolly mammoth–dies out despite our hero’s attempts at procreation. If you like watching animals have sex, well, watch the Discovery Channel. And ew.

Hmm. This movie is somewhat sneaky…maybe generations in the future will believe that global warming exists because they saw this film. Maybe that kid who cried really was just offended by the idea that climate change could occur. Maybe Al Gore should be using this movie to make people realize that global warming is real. People in America do seem to be largely swayed by sad stories and cartoons…