I was more of a Dorothy, but when I got to Oztah I became a Wicked Witch. Darn Utah.
Ok, I’m sort of getting used to Utah…or I think I am, and then I’m confronted by another aspect of Utah’s “uniqueness.” Utah’s alcohol laws have been one of the things I’ve had to get used to. I’m just not used to having to cross the state line to get a beverage of an alcoholic nature on a Sunday, or going to a state liquor store (where, apparently if you have the guts to enter, they don’t card you–or perhaps today’s teaching adventures took a harsher toll on my appearance than I thought). However, this law from dumblaws.com really takes the cake: In Utah, it is illegal to sell alcohol during an emergency.
Full text of the Law
32A-12-207. Unlawful sale or supply during emergency.(1) A person may not sell, offer to sell, or otherwise furnish or supply any alcoholic product in an area during a period of emergency proclaimed by the governor to exist in the area.
(2) This section does not apply if, in the judgment of the governor, the emergency does not require suspension of sale or supply of alcoholic beverages, and the emergency proclamation so provides.
Renumbered and Amended by Chapter 23, 1990 General Session
Hence, if there is an earthquake, I can’t drink (well, unless I have previously stocked up, which is not easy to do here: see other dumb laws). If there is an avalanche that covers Logan, I can’t drink. Now, I’m not promoting drinking a lot. However, I’m going to hazard a guess that drinking in an emergency situation is not always a bad thing. Of course, the governor can always decide it’s ok…but, really, when a person’s making an emergency proclamation, is that person really thinking about alcohol sales? Maybe in other places where you don’t have to proclaim “intent to eat” before you can order an alcoholic beverage in a restaurant. Maybe.
Of course, everyone is really nice here, so I suppose there are some things going for the place. This abundance of niceness makes me seem even more evil and mean. I started out as a Dorothy (innocently going about my business whilst helping people find their missing stuff, though sadly dog-lessly), but when I came here to Oztah I was transferred into the Wicked Witch of the Midwest. I’m not sure if water will melt me here, though. But this might explain the massive amount of sprinklers on campus, and how they like to go off at random times during the day. It’s a water hazard, perhaps designed to melt the evil people. That would certainly explain the niceness.