Yeah, I’m pregnant. I know. Don’t need to remind me.
Apparently I’m supposed to be blogging about this whole pregnancy experience…according to others, at least. I’m a little unclear on how I’m supposed to shed any light on this experience for someone who has never (personally) experienced it before. In fact, for a while I was pretty convinced I should never put anything about it in writing because that way Junior might get a little brother or sister someday, providing that selective memory kicks in and I forget most of these months.
First off, I would like to know why the whole world is so damn excited about the fact that I’m sponsoring the growth of a new person and allowing it to live in the place where my internal organs used to reside. I guess there’s a general feeling of optimism that comes with the idea that we can make new people who hopefully will be better than some of the ones we currently have on the planet, but this doesn’t mean people should keep saying in a high-pitched silly voice, “Aren’t you just so excited!” and then possibly surprise-hugging me. I’m not a person who really gets excited; excitement generally leads to expectations, which lead to possible disappointment. Hence, I’m rather…er…less than excited about this. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy, just that I’m not making balloon animals just yet. And I don’t want you to hug me. (Note: this is non-desire for hugging is not a new thing. Only a few occasions call for hugging. I’ll let you know if they ever happen when you’re around.)
Part of this non-excitement has to do with the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies people-making. I’m now afraid to watch television because something remotely sad or heartfelt might occur in the magic box. Or, more specifically, I’ll see that Bob DebBry commercial about the baby that got messed up during birth due to malpractice. Either way I’ll be fairly useless for about twenty minutes. Kind of inconvenient. Also, you know how people are generally annoying? Multiply that normal level of annoyingness by twenty-infinity and you might understand how aggravated I am most days by the things people don’t realize they do. Like when they touch me.
Also, pregnancy is just confusing. For my whole life I’ve been bombarded with messages about not gaining weight. True, they were amazingly unrealistic messages, but at least they were on point. I understood them. They stayed the same and made a sick sort of sense, analytically at least. When you’re pregnant, you’re supposed to gain weight. But wait! There are some caveats. You shouldn’t gain TOO much weight, and only weight gain from certain types of things is appropriate. WTF? Because someone out there thinks that women have control over where their weight gain shows up on their body. Also, when you’re pregnant it’s apparently no longer appropriate to complain about feeling sick because everything can be somehow attributed to pregnancy, which makes feeling sick somehow illegitimate. So if I try to blame sickness on pregnancy, that’s bad, and if I don’t try to blame it on the pregnancy, then it must be a pregnancy symptom, which makes it less than legitimate. You can’t win. No fair complaining about anything, I guess.
Finally, when you’re pregnant I guess your body becomes some sort of public property that everyone has a say in the operation of. Like the USA if democracy worked better. According to the people I talk to (not doctors, though), I don’t eat right, I don’t exercise right, I don’t exist right. Also, I guess I’m no longer allowed to show fear of anything (like possibly rabid, growling dogs) because that fear might get transferred to the child. Is it really wrong to teach a kid to be afraid of a charging dog that won’t stop growling and barking? Seems like a survival instinct…
So to sum up, I’m getting fatter and more irritable. My back hurts, which has a lot to do with my organs shifting around and less to do with how I ‘just don’t exercise.’ Also, I had a fun learning experience in which I discovered that having the stomach flu while pregnant sucks about the same as it does the rest of the time, but you’re made to feel oddly guilty about how it’s affecting a fetus as well.
So that’s my current pregnancy experience. Don’t worry too much, though. Tomorrow I’ll probably have completely different emotions. And tomorrow I get to find out the sex of the baby, providing that the baby feels comfortable showing off his/her stuff.
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who the heck have you been talking to.
I swear to you here and now that I will NEVER EVER surprise hug you. However, if I am someday to get married and you come to my reception (which you MUST) I will probably expect a hug. And it will be awkward. All pre-planned hugging is awkward. Especially when the two parties are you and me.
I’ve never been personally pregnant (despite the growing emo-male movement) but I’ve been close to the experience. There is a reason why I didn’t tell my co-workers we were expecting until the day of birth. It is for the same reason I hate getting my hair cut and hate going back to work after a vacation. I despise small-talk and answering the same questions over and over and being expected to gush the same enthusiasm with the tenth talking head as I did with the first. Why I continue to work in an industry seething with pleasantries is just a testament to my willingness to sacrifice. I’m like Jesus that way.
Yeah, so people asking questions mean well and they are just taking an interest in your life, blah, blah, blah. Bite me. People that do it in the workplace are just wanting to waste their time until lunch. Others are fishing for information so they can feel superior in their newfound knowledge as they spread gossip around the land. This just leaves a handful of truly caring people who know better than to ask how you are doing. They’re your pals.
By the way, I know you hate surprise hugs which is why I gave you one before you left Ames. Shortly afterwards I developed severe ulcerative colitis so I guess we’re even.
Thank you! God I thought I was the only crazy one for not being so “bubbly” at the thought of having a baby grow inside me. Everybody else just thinks I’m a miserable b*tch. They obviously have never been pregnant.
I don’t think I ever got terribly excited for any of my pregnancies. Just mostly afraid and sad that life as I knew it was over. Happy sometimes too. I was only excited the few weeks before I went to the hospital, and even then I was more impatient than excited. People say stupid things when you’re pregnant. I don’t know why.
Kristin, I think people say stupid things because for the most part, people are stupid. Not you though. Just those other people. Stupids.
I agree with this,im currently married & 3 months pregnant and im a slender build mabye 130 lbs max now… my pregnancy was unplanned im approaching my mid 30’s (that comfortable stage)coulda waited 2 years prefferably or never~. im sick of bubbly pushy people making a huge deal,and telling me what to eat how to eat how to sleep where to shop, how do you feel questions( i keep it short and say fine, and dont care if they think im evasive its really none of there buisness*)..but I wanna say i feel like shit and i couldnt be more miserable and now leave me alone!!…i know they mean well…but im not ignorant most of us read books when were pregnant..DUH!and not to mention im 2 thousand miles from home and i keep getting guilted for not being there with the rest of my family,mom gram etc (i been gone 4 years C’MON!).also theres nothing like relinquishing a prior flattering silouette for a chubby build in the **middle of summer!!**…that makes me more miserable right now, i lost any sexiness i ever felt about my physique and i have to try extra hard to look my old hot self, no matter what my husband tells me, i feel bodily unattractive, i also am losing my freedom in approx 6 months and wont be able to work for a bit(no tips from my job GRRRR!). I come and go at a whim shopping etc I drive a sport coupe..now i need a backseat..then i get yelled at by my fam for considering a convertible, because it’s supposedly bad for a baby….GOD can i live?? i cant get into this whole excitement thing like i should i suppose, i have no real desire to shop for nursery items,all the names suck that i looked at…i know ill be a good mom once the babys here, but i feel this was thrown upon me and i have to deal with it. so yes i guess this is my prepartum depression:+(
Wow, you think involuntary hugs are bad?! Wait until people start forgoing any pretension of caring about you at all and go straight for the pregnant belly rub. Not just people you know and can yell at who will forgive you; people you don’t know, who aren’t expecting the yelling, and may file a suit. A coworker even “cootchie-cooed” my belly. I checked into it – according to HR, it’s not a terminable offense. More’s the pity. On a side note, I finally got around to reading your blog, which I found through Keith Gibson’s blog, and which the title, “Nipples. There, I Said It” made me shake with mirth. Thank God I didn’t have to endure my pregnancy behind the Zion Curtain. (Or whoever.)
I hear you. Im 4 months along, and I really hate this mess too. Especially the weight gain shit. Everyone at work comments that they just thought I was getting chubby, and still cant tell I’m pregnant. Bitches.. HA.
well heres my update, i am feeling better and dealing better than i was at 3 months, im 6 months pregnant,and have accepted my Pregnant belly,and momhood. I figure screw it why cant i look just as sexy as before? i hate maternity clothes and wont wear them frumpy things, but i found a “HUGE” selection of jeans that are low rise and stylish at Kohls, and now i dont have to sacrifice my coolness, fortunately the style in tops are flouncy and larger. I’m just trying not to get irritated with all the chics telling me how cute and adorable i am. (these chics would be former jealous girls if you will, now your off the market so to speak,so now everyone has a compliment) well, my goal is to snap back to my old size asap after pregnancy and be a hot mom, not sleezy,just hot. So girls we have to suck it up eventually, and screw it, wear that bikini!! mabye now in a large but whatever…rock it *Confidently is the key*!
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I’m 22 years old and a senior in college. Due to my lack of responsibility for an instant in time, I am now 12 weeks pregnant, and to be honest dreading it. I feel like I’m not a normal female. I’m not excited about this. The guy I’m with couldn’t be more ecstatic about it, and I should be happy right? But I’m not. What more could I want than a guy who wants to be with me and wants to be in my child’s life? The thing is I feel the control and freedom of my life just slipping away right before my eyes. I don’t even like kids. I’ve worked my whole entire life towards one goal, which is to be out on my own, have my own car, have my own house, and have my own career. Now, I feel totally helpless. I don’t want to be a stay at home mom. It’s not it my heart or being. My family and I, we live in poverty, and I had always planned after I graduated college, that everything would change once I got a job. NOW, I’m not going to be able to work with a newborn. I feel like I’ll be sitting at home, feeling useless, having to rely on others to support me. This is not the life I want. My dreams and aspirations of changing the world, I feel like they are vanquishing right before my very eyes and I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it. All my friends tell me “everything is going to be ok,” but I’m tired of hearing that. I feel trapped with no options.
I’ve never wanted kids my whole life, and now one mistake, and I’m not responsible for another human life for the rest of my life. This is just great. I keep trying to lie to myself and say, “hey, this is a good thing.” But deep inside, I’m dreading it. I find no interest what so ever in children. I think they’re highly annoying, and I’m not interested in anything child related. Many females around me are like “they’re so cute” etc. etc. etc. I never fuss over babies. To me, they’re just little, naive, uneducated people.
I’m seriously considering adoption because child should grow up feeling loved and wanted by their parents. Two girlfriends of mine grew up with adopted parents and they led loving and fulfilling lives. I just don’t want to take out my resentments and frustrations on an innocent child who had no responsibility for what happened. Can anyone tell me what new motherhood is really like. Is it really all-freedom losing?
I like how I live my life nowadays. I can go where ever I want to when I want to. I can just jump in my car and go. Now for the next 18+ years of my life, I’ll have to consider a whole other human being in EVERYTHING I do. I don’t want this. Should I consider adoption?
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